Thanks to the FDA, There's No More Love in Granola
You can forget about that morning bowl of granola-love
Last edited October 6, 2017
Did you know that "love" isn't an ingredient? I'm shocked. According to an article at Fast Company, the FDA banned Nashoba Brook Bakery from listing "love" as an ingredient in their artisanal granola. This isn't a joke. The article even includes a link to a copy of the FDA's letter.
If you've been looking for romance or an ego boost from eating granola, this is bad news. According to the FDA, your granola doesn't contain any love at all. And if by chance it did in the past, it won't anymore. I'm devastated, but at least, now, I know. And the FDA saved me a lot of money and heartache.
I assumed all granola contained love and that if I were one of the lucky ones, it would whisper sweet nothings in my ear. "Laura, your skin is so radiant. How about a kiss?" Crunch, crunch. "No? It's a little too early for that, isn't it?" Crunch, crunch. "Well, I've been meaning to tell you how awesome your blog is and that I'm in love with you—even when your writing stinks." What the … !
Someone needs to tell the president about the FDA's new rule, though—and, perhaps, a few past presidents, too—because I suspect granola made with "extra love" is a staple at the White House. "Why, Mr. president, you're looking dapper, as always. Nice tie." Crunch, crunch. "May I call you Donald?"
"Paul, how's it going buddy? What, nobody loves you?" Crunch, crunch. "Ah, it's just a little health insurance. They'll get over it. We might lose a few here and there, but at least there'll be fewer people. That will make climate change so much easier to deal with. Uh-oh, I forgot; the big boss banned climate change. Well, that's convenient."
"Mikey, my man, how's the world's tastiest vice president? What about the two of us slip outside for a bite to eat?" Crunch, crunch. "And—ahem—you can leave the wife at home. Did I ever tell you how hot you are?" Crunch, crunch. "You can trust me, Mikey. After all, love is one of my main ingredients, or at least it was. Now, I'm just after your body."
Whew! I'm so glad the FDA is on this. At least we're paying them for something. Get that "love" out of my granola, now!